Wow. Everything just seems to be falling apart lately. Since the end of high school it seems like only time until absolutely nothing in my life is the same. I have lost everyone I'm close with and pretty much everyone I'm not close with too. And I'm changing, I can feel it. I don't want to change though, I absolutely love who I was becoming. Not having the same people in my life has caused me to tuck things about myself away and become more like the people I'm around now and I hate it. I don't want to be like anyone, I want to be myself, but all the people who had similar interests as me have all vanished and I feel like I'm left here to pull of some sort of life that doesn't exist any more. Clare, you have no idea how excited I am to come see you. This chance for escape is more than I could ask for right now.
Along with this new me had come a loss of interest in everything I used to love. I am no longer inspired to write, draw, blog.. None of it. I don't even take pictures anymore or listen to my music and realizing this feels like a part of me has died. I guess a part of me HAS died. My creativeness is no longer the first thing on my mind. It, along with my passion and inspiration has been pushed to the back. I know if I sat down and said, I'm going to write a poem, I still could but I takes that thought and that push to get it, it doesn't just flow like it used to. So once again, I'm going to take a break from blogging. I feel like I'm cheating myself if I force myself to blog, it's not the same when it feels like an assignment. Hopefully I'll be back soon, but maybe this is the new me and maybe I'll accept that. Much love to all my readers. ♥
My little brother comes up to me today and says this:
"Jennine can I please have one of the six shelves in our bathroom to put my stuff on that's just mine? Cause today I went in there and my shampoo and soap were in the middle of the bath tub and your new shampoo and conditioner were in their spot."
Personally, I think he needs to be a little bit less high maintenance. =P
Yesterday was the first snowfall of the year here, not including the one about a month and a half ago that melted before it had a chance at touch the earth. And for the first time in probably my entire life, the first thought that came to mind when I looked out the window and saw the crisp blanket of white was not eff you Mother Nature! My first though was wow. That's beautiful. I have always had a bitter-sweet love towards snow and winter, hating the cold but loving the beauty and memories that spark when you see the first snow fall on the year. But usually the bitter over powers the sweet and I just feel miserable towards it. But not this time. I was actually very excited and couldn't wait to go outside. I love it when you walk in the snow and the side walk is perfectly clean and not a single soul had placed their print in on the white canvas. Walking and leaving my tracks made me feel powerful in a weird way, knowing I was the first one to touch millions and millions of beautifully formed crystals of ice, the only one since snowfall to pass by that point. As I walked I looked back at my tracks and noticed that the snow was the perfect consistency to hold every single groove in the bottom of my boot and I could perfectly see the outline of a heart on the toes half of my print with a little running RocketDog in the center. When I was on my way back to my house down the same side walk, in noticed two more sets of tracks, one of a human, the other of a dog and even in the crisp winter air I felt a sense of warmth. Knowing that someone else, just moments ago, walked along the same path, in the same fresh air, in the same first fallen snow as I just had. When I reached my house I could feel the warmth and realized that my body had began to cool a bit while I was out, and was now starting to regain heat, and I discovered I loved that feeling too. it's a very cozy feeling, and a feeling o accomplishment. And that re-warming sensation brings so many thoughts and old memories to mind, thinking of all the times before when I have felt like this and how it always followed a great time with amazing people.
So this winter I have decided that I am not going to complain about the snow. I am going to accept and appreciate it and instead look at all the good in it. I think it will keep me happier over the winter and teach me to be more appreciative.
I want to make a wish tonight, but all the stars are still
So I will shake my head from side to side to see them shoot against there will.
I want to make a wish tonight, alas the dandelions are all dead
So I will google a place where they still grow and that's where I will head.
I want to make a wish tonight but penny fountains, I have none
So I will higher a great sculptor and erg him on until the day that he is done.
I want to make a wish tonight, yet no new desires fill my heart
So I will ask what I always do, for you and I to become one and never ever part.
~Jn9
And yes David Shorten, this idea did spark from your status. Thanks for the inspiration [=
Alright, so today me and my best friend Kelsie Rae were at the infamous Wal-Mart, and we are the type to make fun anywhere. We were just casually walking through the isles when we spotted a wicker/willow deer. This thing came up to my waist at least. I guess it must have been some lawn ornament or something but we both walked past it and about 10 feet later we stopped looked at each other and turned around to get it. We drug it around Wal-Mart with us for a good few minutes while we hunted down a place to leave it. We both agreed that the the end of the towel isle where there are giant rug display frames that flip back and forth like the wall poster display was a good place to wedge our find. So we left him there and chuckled as we continued our shopping.
A few minutes later I found a super cute sweater dress and decided I was going to try it on. So we went to the change rooms and I put it on and decided I wanted to try it with leggings. Unfortunately, today was the first day in a very long while that I decided to wear jeans instead of leggings. Luckily, Kelsie was wearing a pair, so she came in and gave me hers. We looked in the mirror and decided again that something was not right, so I asked her to get me the other color of dress cause the one I had looked kind of grandma-ish. She looked down at her bare legs and said, "Umm...Ha ha, yea sure, why not." (This is how I know she's my best friend) She pulled her t shirt down as far as it would go, put her boots back on and walked out into Wal-Mart to get me the other color. [= She looked like a ridiculous schmuck, but I love her for it!
And thank you Wal-Mart for allowing us to gain some great memories to remember for years to come!
So I have been so extremely excited about my upcoming trip to Australia recently, and I have really started to get into the planning and saving and jazz. I was going to look up things to do in the areas we were staying in and stuff but Makaila hadn't told me yet where exactly her Aunts lived so I didn't know where to even start. But I conveniently ran into Makaila in the pool hall yesterday and so I asked her where we were going to be staying in Australia and this was he response, "Oh, actually I don't think I'm going to Australia anymore. A trip to Cambodia, and Indonesia and Thailand came up and I really want to go on that so yea."
!!
Wow.
And to top it all off she didn't even say "Oh actually I found a trip that we could go on instead together!" She just up and cancelled all together and didn't include me at all in her new plans and she didn't even apologize for cancelling, she just got mad at me and told me I had no reason to be angry and then started listing off things I did wrong.
I seem to be losing best friends left and right here.
I am hopefully going to go to England earlier now though and staying an extra month there and I'm thinking of a little short trip to Mexico for maybe two or three weeks too.
Anyways I just thought I'd post about it cause I've been kind pissed about this for the last 24 hours or so.
Maybe now I can afford to buy myself a nice camera before I start traveling.
I have recently fallen in love with leggings and plaid flannel shirts with a printed T underneath. Definitely the comfiest style ever. I bought a plaid flannel Vans shirt when I was in Vegas and it sparked a new addiction! Now I'm hooked. I have bought two more since I've been back. (Both from the boys section of Please Mum..) I have always been drawn to this style on others, especially guys! (Minus the leggings part.) But I finally tried it on for myself and I'm never going back! [=
I recently did a major clean on my room. One of those ones where every box, drawer, shelf, nook, and cranny gets cleared out, and in my organizing I found my CD stash of every burnt CD I've ever owned! The count is way above 100. There's EVERYTHING on these!! I've got CDs from Makaila and a couple from Janine and one from Cady filled with Disney music! So I sung along to Hi-Ho with the dwarfs and attempted to whistle cause I've been practising and soon I'll be able to cross it off of my "100 things before death" list. [=
I love finding old memories. One of the CDs I found was one of all the songs the reminded me Cady and Liam of Long Lake Camp and past JFW days. And almost every single one of these CDs brought back some sort of memory. They are really like finding an old photo album from years ago and looking through it.
I think I'll hit the storage room next and take a rummage through there and see what else I can find that makes me smile. I know we have heaps of photo boxes tucked away somewhere from before digital took away our drive to print holdable photos, that are in need of a digging out.
So here's to all my long time friends that have memories hidden about. I love you all and every good time we've had! I'll never forget any of you!
Today was a simply fantastic day and I feel the need to share!
Nothing tremendously great happened but I was in a very decent mood and so was everyone that I encountered today so it just seemed tremendously great.
The new stock for Please came in today and I found a couple knitted sweaters and a pair of leggings that I rather enjoyed so I purchased them which is kind of pathetic considering it's a children's clothing store where the sizes range from new born to 12yrs. But with a 50% discount I'm not complaining! I'm going to buy the glow in the dark dinosaur pyjamas next paycheck I believe.
And since the new stock came in, me and Rebecca were summoned to the box room to hang the bajillion boxes of never ending children's clothing. (Our box room at the moment is actually a large size change room because we ran out of room in the real back room.) But as lame as hanging two year old sized t-shirt after two year old sized t-shirt is, we made it fun. We changed the super cramped change room into a dungeon and the stock room was our castle and we hung house coats on the curtain rods to make an excellent castle-esc door, obviously necessary. And we made a 'Rules' Scroll with a box flap and a mega sharpie, which consisted of the following rules:
#1) The castle is 'Fun Staff' domain only and anyone else who enters will simply be entering a change room in a children's clothing store, nothing more, nothing less.
#2) If either of us is recruited to sales floor, it is the duty of the other to rescue their loyal companion and have them safely returned Any form of tall tale telling is acceptable at this time
#3) The sharpie, highlighter and x-acto knife go backing into the "Help yourself to a Please Mum Bucky tattoo!" box immediately after use because with 2 bodies, 12 cardboard boxes, 378 styles of children wear, 4768 hangers, and a 6 by 6 foot room, things get lost to the point of no return VERY easily
#4) All farting must be done OUTSIDE the castle!! because as fun as our little game is, when another employee comes in looking for "a size 3T in the pink velvet zip-up" and decides that our little cramped, enclosed, with no windows change room is a good place to allow the body to perform it's natural functions, things must be put on hold for a good five minutes with the house coat door removed for quicker ventilation)
We also tried on many of the new items which lead to my later purchases as mentioned above.
Working in a childrens store REALLY brings out the child in you!
I also worked at the hospital today doing a pick up shift, so not one I normally do, and learned that our new heated bases weigh 3 pound each and I lift each of them twice and with a tray count of 350 I lift an average of one tonne each time I do that shift! Maybe soon I'll be able to bowl with only one hand! =D
You see this world through only your eyes
You think you're the shit and ever so wise
Life's a playground to you and the games that you play
You won't let yourself see how you push us away
I can't plan your life for you, nor would I try
But there's a failure to it, even you can't deny
With the chaos you cause and the lifestyle you choose
You can stay on this road, but I promise you'll lose
You won't take advice or learn from mistakes
But God's only willing you so many takes
You'd better shape up if you want to succeed
Soon there will be no reply to your plead
If it's love that you're asking, we'll remain here for you
But if we're just a safe haven to run to, we're through
We're done giving in to your pitty filled tears
We've given chance after chance to change through the years
Please know that we love you and care for you so
And please hear this and stop, let this way of life go
Nathen, just listen, and understand as we say
We want you close with us, don't throw us away.
I just can't seen to keep my head in the now. I want to get out so bad and I know it's coming but I can't appreciate anything I have right here, right now, anymore. The place I want to go the most at the moment is to London. If I had the money to leave tomorrow I would. Clare, I don't think you understand how much I appreciate you allowing me to come see you! I think part of the reason is that it's the most escape I will get. I do love everything UK, even though I've never been, but the thing I'm most excited for is to be free for a month. Clare is not a best friend, just a good friend, so she doesn't have a set way of how she thinks I am, like a best best friend would. There's lots about me she doesn't know so for me to grow in the ways I want to will be easier with someone who isn't already set on the way I am, if that makes any sense at all.
I have lost a lot of motivation lately as well. I don't have the drive to go out and spend a day just being a shutter-bug like I used to. I really need to find something new that will take my mind off of life until January comes and I leave for Australia. I'm open for any suggestions.
On a positive note!
M came home!! She said Spain is beautiful and she wants to go again with me someday.
She brought me back a charm for my bracelet, a mask for my collection, and a beautiful fan. She was going to buy chocolate for me too from the place she bought it last time she was in Europe on the way home but her wallet got stolen on her second last day by some Spanish boys that were pretending to hit on her, so she didn't have a penny to her name until she got back home. But she said Spain was worth getting her wallet stolen, and she would do it again in a flash even if it meant loosing it all over again. I'm very glad she enjoyed herself [=
q: Why did the plane crash?
I forgot to tell you about Bodies!
That's the human body exhibit in LV that I saw. I honestly did not want to go at all and at first. I was still kind of feeling like I shouldn't be there. I sort of felt wrong to me. But walking through the exhibit and being face to face with a once living man, no glass between us or rope or cage, nothing was, in it's own way, amazing. We were told not to touch, but the fact that if I wanted to I could was so bizarre, and about half way through I changed my mind about it. There is really only one was to describe it. Beautiful. Weird way to explain dead people, I know, but it really was. And the fetus exhibit really hit me. That was a bit hard. I saw real fetuses that had died before birth at about 15 different stages and then one full entire baby that was stillborn. And also a set of Siamese twins that died just after birth. The one that was the most difficult and that I examined the longest was a fetus only 3 months old. A close friend of mine became pregnant and then she lost it at 3 months and seeing how far along that baby was really hit me. Just like the movie Juno says, it had fingernails. and it had all its bones, which you could see clearly under a black light cause it had no pigment in its skin yet, just a clear layer. But you could see every little finger and toe and a tiny face starting to develop and you could see that it wasn't just a blob of blood and cells. It was once a life. It was hard and I cried a little in that section of it but still, it was beautiful and made me think a lot. But it really was an amazing experience. My mother ended it by touching a real human lung but I passed.
So for post one hundred I thought I would post one hundred things I would like to do before I die.
But as I was thinking of things I’d like to do, a lot of things that I have already accomplished kept coming to mind, so I made a list for each. So here it is, a list of 100 things I’d like to do, and a list of 100 things I have done.
TO DO:
1) Hold an owl
2) Adopt a baby from a third world country
3) Give birth
4) Sky dive
5) Get a tattoo
6) Visit South Africa
7) Sleep under the stars
7) Scuba dive
9) Ice climb
10) Dog sledding
11) Get a dog from the pound
12) Graduate from college
13) Be involved in a major motion picture in some way
14) Go to a country where no one speaks English and spend a week there
►15) Go on a serve trip
16) Fall in love and never have to let him go
17) Be offered a large sum of money for something of mine and confidently turn it down because that something is worth more to me than any amount of money
18) Move away, even if only for a bit, and change myself to be 100% completely who I want to be and just start over and see how different my life style becomes
19) Sew myself a onsie pyjama complete with butt flap
20) Complete the “Top ten things to do in an elevator” list
21) For once, not be afraid to show someone that I’m interested without knowing for sure that they return the same feelings.
22) Lie in a field of wild daisies
23) Have an evening so perfect that it could be straight out of a movie
24) Kiss in Paris
25) Connect deeply with a random stranger
26) Be the one to break open the pinata
►27) Go on a full out city wide scavenger hunt with legit clue that lead to the next card.
28) Live in a different country
29) Bungee jump
30) Learn to play the acoustic guitar
31) Design a CD cover for an emerging band
32) Go back-packing for 3 months in Europe
33) Spend an entire day from sunrise to sunset fishing
34) Send a message in a bottle
35) Have something I have created get published
36) Meet all my grandchildren
37) Write a movie
38) Direct a movie
39) Die before any of my children do
40) Start something huge
41) See the world
42) Count the stars until I fall asleep
43) Pet a shark
44) Learn to juggle
45) Allow myself to be 100 percent who I want to be, not what others want me to be
►46) Catch a wild lizard
47) Overcome my fear of wind
48) Learn to mermaid swim
49) Swim with dolphins
50) Have my picture painted
►51) Ride a train
52) Attend a masquerade
53) See the Eiffel tower
54) Go to my high school reunion
55) Pick up a hitch hiker
56) Hitch hike
57) Go hang gliding
58) Learn to whistle
59) Crowd surf
60) Count the steps in the statue of liberty
61) Milk a cow
62) Go cliff diving
63) Go for a ride on a motorcycle
64) Pick oranges off a tree and eat then
65) Learn to roller blade
66) Attend Mardi Gras
67) Ride in a privately owned airplane
68) Be the maid or honor
69) Still be best friends with my best friends now when I’m eighty
70) Give blood
71) Go a full month by starting every day with a cup of tea and ending it with a bubble bath
72) See the Warped Tour
73) Ride in a hot air balloon
►74) Learn to surf
75) Dig for worms like I used to as a little kid
76) Learn to kayak
77) Go for a helicopter ride
78) Give a guy flowers
79) Tell someone a crazy story about why my eye is the way it is
80) Break something so that I can have everyone sign my cast
81) Build a quinsy and spend the night in it
82) Meet a set of triplets
83) Go to a drive-in movie
►84) Stand in a waterfall
85) Throw a dart at a map and go there
86) Get hypnotized
87) Photo copy my butt and leave it in the tray
88) Create something that I absolutely adore and think is great enough to show off to the world and then destroy it right away so that I can be the only person in the world to have seen something so incredible
89) Attend a human birth
90) Build a tree house
91) learn to play chess
92) Ride inside a cop car
93) Have a huge mud fight
94) Take a guy out on a date and for once be the one to do all the planning and paying.
95) Go on a trip to a different country with a boyfriend
96) Back track and fix all my regrets (I’ve already fixed my 2 main ones)
97) Develop a love for steam rooms, sushi, and jogging
98) Write to one of my favorite magazines and have it published in the next months issue
99) Go on a road trip and film it
100) Be one hundred percent happy with my life and the person I turn out to be.
COMPLETED:
100) Rock climbed an actual mountain
99) Made the first move
98) Been a flower girl
97) Broken up with some one
96) Been broken up with
95) Been to Italy
94) Watched a meteor shower with 2 of the people I love the most
93) Cried over something truly devastating
92) Laughed so hard I cried about something that only I found funny
91) Taken “Kodak Moment” Pictures
90) Spent an entire day with an old friend swapping memories of good times
89) Kissed an eight foot boa constrictor
88) Been on a gondola ride in Venice
87) Been to a funeral, wedding, and baby shower
86) Been told my eye is a tell tale sign that I have magical powers
85) Broken a mirror
84) Been caught in the rain and hail For 4 blocks wearing a white t shirt and white skirt
83) Built a fort and slept in it
82) Been put under
81) Gotten 100% on a math unit final
80) Spilt milk and cried about it
79) Communicated with someone via sign language
78) Eaten maple syrup that I made myself
77) Built a snowman in my bikini
76) Gone skinny dipping at midnight
75) Eaten ants to see what they taste like. (They taste like lemon)
74) Seen a bear in the wild
73) Given money to a homeless man
72) Posed with an Elvis impersonator
71) Rode a camel
70) Planted a tree
69) I’ve learned how to polka, two-step, and swing dance
68) Hiked up a mountain (Small mountain but it did take a good 10 hours)
67) Been white water rafting
66) Seen a still-active volcano
65) Seen the northern lights
64) Found a four leaf clover
63) Gathered chicken eggs
62) Flown a kite
61) Built my own shelter from nothing but spruce bows, rope, and tarps and slept in it for an entire weekend in minus 30 weather
60) Picked out and cut down my own REAL Christmas tree
59) Wrote a post card
58) Received a post card
57) Had a pen pal
56) Sat in natural hot springs
55) Walked though the woods barefoot
54) Eaten wild strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, saskatoons, and blueberries that I’ve picked myself
53) Been to a grape orchard
52) Pet a 15 minute old cow
51) Road a horse
50) Swam in the river
49) Watched a chick hatch
48) Learned to sail a sailboat
47) Seen a complete preserved human body where everything was 100% real human parts excluding the eyeballs
46) Seen the Broadway production of Phantom of the Opera and The Lion King
45) Fired a gun
44) Been in a tornado
43) Brought a gnome traveling (fully intend to continue on with it)
42) Had my picture in the paper on 3 separate occasions
41) Rode in a limo
40) Walked down a snowy beach
39) Danced in the rain
38) Dropped 1000 feet in under 1.5 seconds
37) Been on a 4 seater plane
36) Saved 1400 dollars and spent it all on a 3 day shopping spree
35) Had my fortune read
34) Witnessed my dog give birth
33) Held a day old baby
32) Seen a real human heart outside of the body
31) Played hide-and-go-seek car style
30) Wrote a complete song
29) Crab fished and eaten my catch
28) Poked a sea urchin still in the ocean
27) Found a wild turtle and entered it in a turtle race
26) Received stolen merchandise as a gift
25) Directed a play and received awards for it
24) Been in love
23) Owned a chameleon
22) Held four macaw parrots at once
21) Laughed till I cried
20) Cried till I laughed
19) Had a pet die in my arms
18) Saw a preserved fetus the same age as my friends baby was at the time she miscarried
17) Been whale watching (and saw whales)
16) Stayed in the 32nd floor of a 4.5 star hotel
15) Been pantsed in public
14) Been given a single red rose
13) Dreamt something and then had it come true the next day
12) Stood inside a hollow tree
11) Pet a full grown Siberian tiger
10) Cried happy tears because of something amazing someone said to me
9) Planned a reunion
8) Built a fire (More times than I could count)
7) Built an entire family of snowmen complete with hats, scarves and carrot noses
6) Drank fresh water straight from a waterfall
5) Pulled a legit all nighter where I did not go to sleep until 11pm the next night
4) Drank so many energy drinks that it made me physically sick
3) Have slept with the same teddy bear every night for 18 years
2) Played hide and go seek in the last month
1) Learned to accept and love myself
Piano stairs - Rolighetsteorin.se - The fun theory from camiseta emprestada on Vimeo.
All of my plans seem to be falling into place just spectacularly! I was so worried about having too many things in not enough time and having to tell people that I can not follow through with my commitments but everything is turning out so very well! Things have had to be moved and re organized for alternate reasoning and it has just all fit together so perfectly! My California road trip has been bumped from June 2010 to April 2011 which knocks 4000 dollars off of what I have to have saved by the end of December and also frees up a full month for me to find a time to visit my friend Clare in England. Having this trip moved also allows me to spend an extra month in Australia which I was very disappointed about not being able to stay for due to lack of money. It's all wonderful now though and so much stress has been lifted!
New forecast for my future:
~in Australia for January and February
~London to see Clare at the end of May into the beginning of June (if this fits in better with her schedule)
~Niagara Falls in mid July and possibly back to Vegas for a week in July for my parents business trip as long as it does not conflict with Niagara Falls
~South Africa in October
~California road trip for most of April and a bit of May
~Backpacking in Europe for July, August, September.
~ School in London for 2 years.
Now this is still very rough but that's the layout as of now. I am still looking for an attendee for Africa and Europe but that most likely won't be too difficult considering most of my friends are wanting to travel. Hopefully I can get a group of at least 4 or 5 for Europe.
[= I'm looking very forward to my life.
I've fallen in love with these few songs:
(Rough Gem is a returning love, I have recently re-fallen in love with it)
The Smiths - Asleep
Train - Hey, Soul Sister
Wolf Parade - Fine Young Cannibals
The Flaming Lips - Yeah Yeah Yeah Song
Islands - Rough Gem
Sorry once again for the lack of actual music, I think you're probably catching on by now that music won't work on my blog.
I was sitting on my bed folding some clothing and I felt a tickle on my shoulder so I looked over and found a dime sized black spider just a chillin' away. Of course my first reaction was to brush him off and now he is MIA. I guess I'll be sharing my bed tonight.
BAND OF HORSES - THE FUNERAL
Sweet video too if it didn't just repeat over and over.
Sand from Christopher Galasso on Vimeo.
I have been thinking lately that I don't think I tell people enough how much impact they have on my life. The following are individuals who have given my inspiration for my creative mind. Some of these people probably don't even know that I know who they are or have no idea who I am but I'm going to list them anyways, even if your a recent addition, which there are a couple recently, I still feel you deserve this, I never would have discovered you if there wasn't a reason for it.
In alphabetical order:
Bethanne Grasse
Brandee Triffo
Bradon Graf
Breanne Fahlman
Cady Dean
Cheryl Dean
Dan Reaman
David Shorten
Deirda Neilson
Devon Lynn
Emily Anger
James Anderson
James Kendrick
Jason Mireau
Jordan Ettinger
Josh Baer
Kara Larose
Kaylee Grobe
Liam Fahlman
Makaila Cline
Marisa Glambeck
Myah Martinson
Nathan Anderson
Pamala Dixon
Phill Lindsay
Rebecca Emms
Riordan Tayles
Robyn James
Samantha something from LLC
That boy I saw in the Vans store who was perfectly everything that I find perfect, yet nothing like I've ever seen before.
Tom "Lorbo"
Tracy Baughman
Trevor Bidyk
Thank you for being alive, you have helped shape my creative thoughts and helped me to grow into the person I want to be and you don't even know it.
I have no clue if any of you care at all, but just in case you do, and for myself to look back on, I'm going to blog all about it in this post.
PLANE RIDE
I absolutely adore flying. The sensation of it is so amazing to me. I love take off and landing and I love turbulence, and even if I close my eyes and concentrate on the movement even when the plane is flying smoothly I can feel it inside my body and I love it. I am not in anyway afraid of airplanes because even if it did crash, the fact that the last few moments of my life were spent in one of my favorite places ever (which is up) is good enough for me. When I say up I mean anything. I love being above. I love flying, the feeling of falling, when you're up in an observation deck in a tower and you take that first look down and you get that rush, everything about being above makes my heart sing.
The view over Nevada was amazing. We were flying over at around 11 so the sky was black and the only thing visible was the light from all the cities and towns. Nevada, in the night is very flat. There are cities and cities and cities of light but they are all tucked away in between clumps of mountain. It's a very weird landscape. Anywhere there is a city it is completely absolutely flat and anywhere there are mountains, there is not a spec of urbanization. So looking out at night is very odd. We would fly over a huge city and every where were lights as far as you could possibly see was flat land filled with little tiny specs in huge clumps. And as the city began to end the light would thin out and it began to look like we were below and looking up because the land looked like the sky, pitch black with white speck dispersed about. It was hard to believe it WASN'T the sky, and then it would end. No more lights only black. Pitch black as we flew over the mountains and it was hard to believe that 5 minutes ago we were looking as far as the eye could see at millions and millions of lights and now it seemed as though the dark would go on forever.
GNORMAN
As I said before, I brought my garden gnome with me to Las Vegas. On the trip from here to the Edmonton airport I picked out a name for him and decided on Gnorm the Gnome (with a silent G of course). Unfortunately, I checked him with my luggage instead of bringing him on the carry on and this was not one of my brightest ideas. He arrived in Las Vegas in about 15 pieces and went from Gnorm the Gnome, to Gnorm the Gnarled Gnome. So first stop after the hotel was Wallgreens to purchase a role of duct tape. i think I did a fantastic bandaging job and I believe he's much cozier this way. And my Gnorm quickly grew on my mother as well. I think he added the necessary part to the trip and I'm very glad I brought him along.
THE VEGAS FOLK
The residents of Vegas are so unfriendly!! None of the staff were at all pleasant except for a select few. But all the tourists were very friendly. I don't think we talked to anyone who didn't live in Las Vegas who wasn't nice. And we met people from all over the world, with every accent you could ever imagine! I fell head over heals for a British guy on the bus that we struck up a conversation with who had the most beautiful accent ever! The way he spoke was all I needed, but the friendly smile and adorable feature didn't hurt the situation any either. Although I will never see him again. I also love love love African accents and could listen to and African man with his crazy slang talk for almost as long as I could a British. I think half of what made this trip so great was talking to all the tourists from different parts of the world.
THE ATTRACTIONS
This city NEVER sleeps! At 2 in the morning is when the streets are the most crowded. There is always something to do and somewhere to go. I am not of legal age though in the States so we had to stick to more of the day time activities. Day time runs until about 11 30 in Vegas. The sun sets around 7 but usually that's when all the great stuff is happening. A lot of the hotels have little shows that they put on just outside once the sun goes down, for the public. One had in incredible water show where the water would shoot up out of hundreds of sprinkler type things and dance along with the music. It was very impressive. Our hotel, the Treasure Island, put on a show called the Sirens of TI, which was basically a bunch of slutty girls dancing around on a boat but the SFX were cool. Mostly during the day we would shop. LV is full of outlet stores where you can get everything at factory prices. We also spent a day just walking from one end of the strip to the other, which yes, does take a whole day if you stop at everything there is to see. We went to M&M world, and Jimmy Buffets Margaritaville where I held 4 macaw parrots at once, and we went to The Beatles store and The Hard Rock Cafe and we went to the stratosphere where you can lookout from thousands of feet above Las Vegas. This is where I went on the 1000 foot drop ride which was incredible. It dropped you 1000 feet in under 1.5 seconds. I love the feeling of falling, so this was my kind of ride. We also went to Freemont street which is a street, the whole length of it covered by a huge curved television screen. They dedication that night was to Queen so they played Queen songs and showed pictures of them and Jazz. We also went to 3 Broadway shows. We saw The Lion King which was absolutely the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in my entire 18 years of life!! It was breathtakingly beautiful and I cried 4 times during it because of the beauty of the performance. Look up the costumes if you like because they are so incredible as well. We also saw Cirque de Soleil's Mystere which was also very excellent. The acrobatics were so amazing and there was so many parts where they interacted with the audience. The third show was Phantom of the Opera. This show was not my favorite. It was very well done of course but it was just so plain. There was nothing 'wow factor' in this, it was just like any other play, good, but not amazing. I would not pay to see it again. It was the movie acted out in a theatre was all it was.
THE FOOD
We lived off of Lil' Betty's Chocolate Chip Muffins and Wallgreens bananas for the most part of out trip because eating took too much time. But let me tell you those are the most amazing muffins ever made up until about day 4. When we did eat out we would hut for a Subway or something cheap because honestly, food is not what we went to LV for, and we wanted as much shopping money as possible.
THE WEATHER AND OTHER JAZZ
Las Vegas is not as hot as I would have though. The temperature would get up to mid 30s but because it's so dry it does not feel that hot. It's also windy, and I experienced what it's like to stand on a crowded bridge above a main road while the wing introduced my nose to the bottom hem of my sun dress. I think it's an experience everyone should try.
The LV Strip is also surprisingly clean. There is the odd piece of garbage on the sidewalk but that's it and it's not dirty or dust at all. You could sit down where ever in a pair of white shorts and stand up clean. It's weird. There isn't grass either. We did find some patches of grass but it was fake plastic grass that was very very convincing until I set Gnorm down for a picture and realized we were all being fooled. I think we saw maybe 4 spot the whole time where real grass grew and then I was obvious that I was sod and there were about 20 sprinklers in a 10 foot area of grass.
HOME TIME
By the time the last day came I was for sure ready to come back. The first half of our plane ride was in day light but we were in the clouds and then I went to sleep until we were getting close to Edmonton. We magically turned out 2000 dollars worth of purchases into about 800 on the customs form and then watched out luggage pound it's way down the conveyor slide onto the luggage pick up zone. No wonder Gnorm was in pieces after arriving in Las Vegas! I could see my breath when we walked out of the airport doors, but it meant I was home again so it wasn't too too bad. And there wasn't any snow so it was ok.
In all, I did love Las Vegas but I think the next time I go I want to be 21 so that I can legally drink. I don't think I'd do much gambling but it would be fun to experience the night life at legal age. I'd also like to go back again and watch the Lion King about 12 more times [=
So thank you once again mommy for the awesome way-more-than-necessary 18th birthday gift! Much love! ~Jn9
An artist is an explorer of the mind.
Unfolding the unknown, visualizing the unseen, hearing the untold.
Deciding for themselves what is beautiful
and creating a piece of work based on a feeling, an urge to create and share.
It does not have to make sense to anyone but yourself, or be appealing to the world.
Art is your thought process transformed into something that others can see or hear.
It is for yourself as a work of intelligence.
To think creatively and adapt your thoughts into a creation is a skill above and beyond what can be taught in school by a woman in a too-snug blouse and pencil skirt.
You can be mentored on how to take your skill and focus it to become what you truly want to express but just can not get out, but it can not be taught.
It is a gift you are born with and develop over time as you see the world and it's ways and as you grow and invent your own ideas on why things are the way they are.
You do not have to be able to draw well, or even at all.
Art can be revealed through dance, music, paint, sketching, poetry, photography, graffiti, anything.
Anything that you take from your mind and release into the world is art, and anyone who is not afraid to do so is an artist.
I did a lot of thinking while I walked the streets of Vegas. Seeing something completely new, whether you like it or not, allows your mind to expand and explore and imagine and that is very important for the creative mind.
Leaving home reminded me again why I want to travel the world so very badly.
I will write a blog about all the crazy Vegas happenings tomorrow, because honestly, what happens in Vegas, does not stay in Vegas.
More to come, thanks for reading. xx
Ok, just a quick update cause this is costing me a buck a minute.
the weather has been so excellent! It has never once been too hot. It has gotten up to 32 degrees but it's super dry heat (considering the desert and all) so it doesn't feel nearly that warm. There is also usually a bit of a breeze too so that helps. The wind has been picking up more and more everyday and as I learned the hard way yesterday, there is a line where sun dresses are no longer a good idea.
There's surprisingly not all hat much t take photos of here so I won't actually have many creative shots like I thought I would. Sorry. But above all the negative, which also includes no iced tea!, it has been awesome! I have spent every penny I brought plus some and although this city is very overwhelming and crazy busy, I have been loving every minute of it!! It's a very fabulous place and it's so true, this city never sleeps!! I will for sure be ready to be home though when that time comes. I'll tell you all the rest when I'm back home! Love you all! xx ~Jn9
I am leaving for Wonderful Las Vegas in about eighty minutes. One of my best friends stopped by shortly ago and gave me a good bye gift, even though I'll only be gone for 5 days [=. It consisted of:
Mini eggs and Dove chocolate (two of my favorites, I am unfortunately a huge chocolate fan)
A tide to go pen
A bag of home made cookies
A pack of the greatest gum ever (5 rain)
A disposable camera that I have to fill with ridiculous photos of myself while in LV and a little Hotwheels ice cream truck. (This was because she wanted to find something ridiculous to carry in my purse so that every time I opened it to get something I would see it and think, "Oh Kelsie.")
So that's that. I will most likely not be posting anything again until I get home, which will be weird cause I get antsy if I go only two days with out leaving a post!
Here is a list of songs that have been stuck in my head these last few day that I will leave for you before I go so that you have SOMETHING to do while my blog is inactive for all you 4 out there who read.
Also you will again have to download them yourself cause I can't figure out why my music won't work, Riordan you will be helping me with this when I'm back.
Lost Cause - Beck
Shut Your Eyes - Shout Out Louds
Naive - The Kooks
Float On - Modest Mouse
Blackbird - The Beatles
Skeletons - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Sick Muse - Metric
Also Circle of Life - Elton John cause I'm going to see the Lion King Broadway Show
I would include a song link here so you could listen and follow along but blogger hates me and doesn't even register that I've posted a link after I publish my posts so I'm sorry but you're plum outa luck. You'll just have to listen to your own copy.
Friday I'm in Love by The Cure
Also, today at Please, Closer to Me by The Cure came on. It was a lovely surprise cause usually they play crap.
The hardest thing is when your best friend needs you more than anything right now, but she's currently in Spain, so there's absolutely nothing you can to to help, but to send loving thoughts.
Hopefully we're best enough friends that she can know what I'm saying to her without actually saying anything, like she can when we're sitting right beside each other.
I love you M! Please remember the reason that you went on this trip and just, for once, let it all go and enjoy the moment without thinking about what's to worry about back here at home. You can deal with that later. I know somehow, this will get to you and you will figure it out and relax a bit before your trip is over. I miss you bundles! xx See you in 216 hours!
Love, Six
Apparently the fact that the hours at my hospital job wouldn't really allow me to work on the days that they're looking to fill is a problem.
As much as I do like the snow, it should stick to the begining of December where it belongs. It's nice to see that being original and doing what you want to do and not caring what anyone else thinks is catching on but Mother Nature, you're an excepting. You need to stick to the script.
I know you won't read it.
One thing I wish I could say to you for every year we've known each other.
1) I miss having you around
2) Everything reminds me of you
3) Some of my favorite memories are with you
4) You always make me smile
5) I think you're an amazing person and nothing you do will change that
6) The most difficult part is that the main thing we lost was 13 years of memories
7) I have no idea what's going through your head and that's so hard to deal with
8) Even after this all, I still consider you a best friend
9) I wish we could go back 3 months and keep thinks just like they were then
10) It wasn't 100% your fault
11) I do forgive you
12) I wish you would put a little bit of effort in
13) I'll always be here for you.
I have been in a very creative mood lately and I feel the need write or draw or design or SOMETHING! But even though the creativity is there, the inspiration is not. I don`t know what to use as a theme or base for what I will create. I feel very stumped and out of place and I just want an idea to hurry up and embed it`s self into my mind. I have been starting many projects lately, trying to feed my mind, but nothing is coming together. I think sort of what I need is new grounds to work on. Which leads me back to that whole, `I need to escape Red Deer` thing. What a horrible circle to get yourself caught in.
On the plus side, I am going to go to the college and talk to a career counselor and just list off everything I`m interested in or have thought about taking classes for and ask him what is available for me that he thinks I would fit into nicely. We`ll see how that goes.
This is my list of interest:
-Photography
-Media
-Visual advertisement; billboards and magazine ads
-Television commercials; writing or directing
-Designing album cover art or novel covers
-Theatre or film; directing for theatre or film, director of photography for film, lighting or sound for theatre, stage management for theatre, voice over for film
-Photo journalism
So I hope that gives him enough to work with and we`ll see what he picks out for me.
I got an interview at Wild Mountain! Hopefully it goes extra good so I can quit my horrible job at Please!
Heated beach sand
Soft skin so tanned
I touch your hand
I love you
A new arrived breeze
Crisp fallen leaves
We talk with ease
I love you
That first tiny flake
An iced over lake
I've made no mistake,
I love you
Grass starts to grow
A fawn and a doe
Just want you to know
I love you
--Jn9
I think that was the greatest Thanksgiving get together in the history of Thanksgiving get togethers!
Some shout outs to my loved family:
~Cady Glenn Dean you make me smile.
~Summer you're so big and I didn't even get to hold you cause those Deans are both crazy and huge baby hogs!
~Also would like to thank my uncle for ratting us out on the theft of Aunty's turkey/bear napkin holder! But it should still be a surprise when it gets opened up in the Chinese gift exchange at Christmas!
~And last but not least, Wow Cheryl. Wow. I guess Thanksgiving just isn't the same with out a good half dozen Corona and a bottle/adult sized juice box of French Rabbit. Thanks for the salt and pepper shakers.
;} <3
Away We Go.
Awkward, yet excellent.
I thought this movie was so creatively done but I highly doubt many others will appreciate it. It was so so different and, well, weird. Very strange and almost could be considered bad, but all that together is what makes me love it! Unique, original and a daring decision by the director. If you love things that are different, wild, unusual, and non-mainstream, then I highly recommend it. If you're one of those who likes things that other people like only, and actually listen to what the critics say to determine whether or not you watch a movie then you will probably find it horribly boring. But I liked it and I appreciate it's style.
So Las Vegas is approaching very speedily and I'm getting mad excitement butterflies every time it comes to mind! I was helping a lady today at Please and she and her friend we talking and they mentioned: "Did you gamble much? So many outlet stores! Which Broadway show?" So I had to ask if she just got back from Vegas. When she said yes, I did the stupid excited girl squeal and told her I was leaving for Vegas in a week! She said, "Oh fun." That's it. Not even excitedly, so I felt like a fool, but I don't care, I can't wait!
We're staying at Treasure Island and going to two Broadway shows: La Reve, which is by the same man who created 'Cirque De Soleil' except this one is in water, and The Lion King. There's also a lookout tower called the Stratosphere with a ride on the outside like the 'Drop of Doom' in West Ed's Galaxyland except that you drop 1000 feet instead of 120. My mom also really really wants to go to this thing called 'Bodies'. It this exhibit where they have preserved dead human bodies set up and you can see them. Like one will be set up and all the skin will be removed, and the next will have skin and muscles removed so you can see organs. My opinion on it? Yuck. But my mother really wants to, I guess it's a nurse thing, so I will suck it up and go with her. I mean, she's taking me to Las Vegas and paying for everything. Rides, hotel, transportation, food, all tours, both shows, everything! Plus giving me spending money too, so it's pretty much the least I can do. Besides, if it really gets gross I can go through with my eyes closed, and who knows, maybe I'll even like it. There's also a huge fountain with lights and jazz and a huge water show that goes off every night that we'll watch and SO much shopping! There's two outlet malls with 300 stores near our hotel plus tonnes more along the Strip. I have $1200 right now and I'm not planning on coming back with any left over! Anyways I think that's enough about Vegas till I actually get back and have real storied to tell you! It's just been on my mind all day so I had to blog it. =) I don't even want to know what I'll be like before Australia. Or England!!
Clare Miller, this one is for you.
a.) I want you to start a blog on here and keep an updated on your London life!
b.) I am serious about coming to visit you. Probably about three weeks or so. I'm going to Vegas this month and then I'll be in Australia for January and February so I'm going to be pinching pennies till then but anytime about a month after that would be splendid for me! So let me know when you're ready to spend 21 straight days with me and I'll be there! Also I'm gone to California all of May and to Niagra Falls in July but only for a week so even if the end of June or mid July is better I'm good for then too.
c.) I miss you muchly and all your random greatness! So even if you turn down my blog offer you still need to keep in touch with me and let me know what's going on! Love you, see you as soon as I get cash! xx
In short, this movie was perfect. I would not change a single thing about it! Huge thumbs up to Drew Berrymore for her fantastic first time directing. I loved it since the first time I saw the preview! The way everything works out in this movie is awesome, not like every other movie where everything ends perfectly. It was so real life. I also love Ellen Page, and she showed us a different character this time from her usual which was nice to see. Another thing that made this movie so terrific was the music! It's a very indie-rock based movie, so of course the music is going to be incredible, but I think it's the first time I've ever gone to a movie and actually known most of the songs that played! This is definitely a movie I am going to be buying as soon as it comes out on DVD.
I would really like to tell you about Whip It, but I am too tired to write a blog tonight. Have a good sleep.
I truly, honestly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. Things are linked together and set up to all flow perfectly and sometimes, life gives us a little foreshadowing.
Like yesterday. Yesterday I woke up and something inside me said, "Jennine, you are going to wear full-butt underwear today." I never wear full-butt underwear unless I'm wearing a skirt or sweats. I hate the way it bunches and all that jazz, but for some reason I wanted to that morning. So I did. I regretted it all day long too, until I went bowling and my pants split! Not just a teeny little hole or rip, no. The entire butt pretty much was opened up. Luckily though was wearing good underwear and I continues my 2 games of bowling without my ass showing to the public!
On a little bit less embarrassing note, a similar situation happened a while ago the I heard of on the news.
A man, homeless and an alcoholic, was sitting on a park bench as he did everyday watching over the river. That's how he spent his days, all day, everyday.
A young teenage boy fell into the river just in front of this mans bench and was drowning.
This man, drunk and homeless, jumped in and saved this boys life.
The town he lived in was so grateful and amazed by the mans heroic acts and decided to give him a place to live, clean clothes, food, and a job, but eventually the man ended up back on the streets, homeless again.
He continued to sit on his bench and watch the river.
He saved another persons life, from drowning in the river in the same spot. Dove in and save another life.
Had this man been able to keep his job and home and stay off the streets, there would be one less life on this earth today.
Coincidence? I do not believe so.
I also believe that every man, woman, and child is put on this earth for a purpose.
We will all find it. Even if we never know that we have found it.
This mans purpose in life was to be a homless man with an addiction to alcohol. That's what he was put on this earth to do. Even if it was only to save the two lives that he did, and allow them to survive and carry on to complete what they were put on this earth to do.
I also lately have learned to believe in guardian angels.
A few months ago if you had asked I would have just laughed and said, "Ha. Likely."
But my friend got into this psychic type stuff, which I also rolled my eyes at at first, until she told me that she would do a reading for me. Before she started, while she was listening, concentrating, getting the cards ready and things like that, I occupied myself by glancing around the room and I found myself staring at a bookshelf just to my left filled with so many books, everyone about birds and butterflies. Rare bird species, butterflies of Alberta, and I was so hooked on them. I couldn't take my eyes off the complete row of butterfly and bird books. Something about them captures my attention and 'popped'. It really clicked. Stuck into my head. Something about those birds and butterflies was there for ME. Once she was ready, she read my angel cards and told me about my past present and future, all 100% completely accurate. Especially the past. She said that her angels talk to my angels and they will communicate and tell her when to flip a card, that's how she decides which cards to lay down on the table. The angels know where the cards are in the deck and they know my life plan. Beginning, middle and end.
It was all beginning to get a bit freaky but I also got a sense of safety and security as all this was playing out. Then my friend stopped and told me that my angels were trying to tell her something. She listened and then she told me that I had to start accepting that they were there. I had to let them in and trust them. They said that they have been trying to show me their presence for awhile now, mostly with passing by birds and butterflies.
Birds and butterflies. They were sending birds and butterflies to me to try and let me know that they are there. That's there way of letting me know that they are watching me and keeping me safe.
My friend told me that I could ask my angels anything I wanted and they would know the answers. Although there are something that the angels believe are better if you don't know the answer to and something they know are better left unknown so sometimes they will refuse to answer the question. I asked who my angels were and my friend began to listen to the angels answers. One is my grandfather who passed away when I was 5, the other, his wife, my grandmother, who passed when I was 2. The third, and this one stumped me for awhile, my friend said, was some sort of cousin. It was a girl, young, very young, with blond, blond hair and lots of energy. I couldn't think of who on earth it could possibly be. So I just left it alone. Later on when both of us were with a group of friends in her living room talking about everything we had just learned about our selves and our lives from her, it occurred to me that I just might know who the third angel was. I remember back a few years ago at a family reunion, I had met this adorable little girl. 5 years old, brilliant blond hair, shy and timid, a second cousin of mine. She, for some reason, really like me and my step sister though and once she spent a bit of time with us she really opened up. She was such a little bundle of fun and so full of energy and spirit. Her dad said that she was shy to begin with but if she connected with someone, she would really open up and show her true colors. She did this for us. We spent a lot of time collecting and painting rocks, playing catch, and even pretending we were kitties. But, I never saw her again after the weekend was over. Then, about six months later, maybe a bit more, my mom heard that she had died. She was sitting on the tractor with her daddy while he was doing some farming in the fields and she fell off without her dad realizing. She was 6. He ran over her and it killed her.
I remembered all this so well and so I figured it must be her who was watching over me, so I text my mom and asked what that little girls name was, because I had forgotten over the years. I got a reply back from my mom but before I read it, before I even opened up my phone, I asked my friend, sitting on the other couch, on the opposite side of the room, to ask the angels what the little girl angels name was. She asked. She listened. She told me it started with an M. She said "I think it's like Mikayla or something. Sometimes she can't hear their answers 100% clearly, especially names.
I opened up my phone, opened up my message from my mom and there was one word. One name sent back to me. Mikayla.
I feel this little girl now everyday. She told my friend that I needed to laugh more and that I needed to bring out my inner kid. She told me this when I was going through a time where I was very down and miserable a lot.
I now believe in guardian angels 100% and I know that even when I'm all alone, even in the middle of the worst night of my life, anytime, all the time, there are three unjudging spirits watching over me and guiding me through everything I do. They know what I'm meant to do, where I'm going to end up and they will do whatever it takes to lead me there. All I have to do is trust.
If this isn't enough for you, I just want to through one more story into the mix.
My grandmother was very very sick before she died. Her mind was just one of the few things escaping her. She spent her final few months in the hospital and she'd often get lonely and call up her daughters. Who would include my mother, and ask them to come and visit her. She, like I said, was beginning to lose her mind, and she believed that she was staying in a hotel. She would always call my mom and my aunts and ask them to come up to the hotel and visit with her a bit.
Awhile after my grandma's death my mom came home to find she had a voice mail on her phone. She listened to it.
This is what is said,
"Hi Tracy, it's mom. I was just getting lonely and wondered if you would come on up to the hotel later today and visit me. I love you."
My mom's name is Tracy.
Now, you can believe this, or you can think I'm a huge phony and made it all up but I know it's true. You can also believe that it's some crazy coincidence involving a lady with a daughter and a wrong number, but I believe, I know with everything inside of me, that my grandma called my house that day, specifically when my mom was out, to leave her a message and tell her that she loved her.
I know it's true, and I love knowing that she's still with us.
So many people look at me and say, wow. If something like that ever happened to me, I wouldn't like it, I'd be freaked right out. But it's not like that. Once it happens to you and you really believe it;s true, a sense of comfort washes over you and it's not uncomfortable at all. I've gotten to the point now where if one day, my grandmother, or grandfather, or even little Mikayla came up to me in person, I would not be scared. I would feel nothing but love and security.
I don't care if you think all this is a lie, I don't care if you think I'm crazy. Something inside me told me that today was a good day to share my true feelings about all this and so I did.
And I'm not afraid to answer truthfully if someone asks If I believe in angels and spirits and ghosts and the path of life and purpose for everyone. I'll say it.
I believe.
Well. It's been awhile since I've posted a blog. I don't have an excuse really, I just haven't been on the computer much these last few days. Not really feeling the computer life lately. I got a second job at Please Mum. I sort of hate it. And now, with two jobs, I'm working a total of 20 hours a week. Whoo. I think I'm going to quit shortly. I really want a waitressing job somewhere, so as soon as I get a job at a restaurant I'll be giving my 2 weeks. And hopefully working about 35 to 40 hours a week.
I have been looking through/creeping peoples facebook pages a lot this last month and I'm getting very restless. Everyone seems to be right where they were meant to be. We all may have lived in this little city but really, how many of us were made to stay here? I know that my plan is to travel and I'm not disappointed in my decision at all but saving up for traveling takes time. I can't just get up and go now with out a plan and money. But everyone else has moved away and found their calling. Going to school, or finding a tallent based carrer that doesn't invole schooling. Everyone has move forward, but I'm still stuck here. In a city I don't belong in. I can feel my future reaching out to me but I'm not ready to accept it yet. I want to travel, I want to see the world, but I can't live on my own or go to college, and travel at the same time. I just don't feel complete anymore. Something is missing. And I need to find what it is that I can do to keep myself happy in this next 2 years of saving and traveling before I move and start a new life in a new place, possibly even a new country. Maybe it's going to take a trip to a few new places to figure out what I'm meant to do in my time untill school, but right now I just want to get out. I'm sick of this life and of what little RD has to offer me.
So I finally got a job after applying at virtually every single place in all of Red Deer, hiring or not. It's not the most thrilling and I'm still going to be on the hunt for something with day shifts and preferably where I can get tips, but this will be enough for now to get my parents off my back and the manager was very happy to work around my other jobs hours so I'm happy enough for now. My parents no longer have an excuse to wake me up at 8 am every freakin morning! =) Plus Tannis works there, and I'm fond of her. She was the narrator in The Puppet Master, so we've bonded.
D= ~ I'm sick and I hate it! I miss my energy!
=) ~ I have a lot of upcoming events on the calander that I'm really looking forward too!
=S ~ The job hunt is really not going well and I don't know where else to apply!
I love my best friends but they all need more than I can give them right now. I guess the best I can do is be that 3 am shoulder that they all seem to need lately.
This is all I can do:
Janine - I'm sorry that the one thing that is making you the happiest right now, is hurting other people and, in return making you feel horrible. You're not a horrible person, don't let someone else angry words tear you down and don't let anyone else stop you from loving what you've got.
Makaila - I know it's hard when the one you love believes his friends rumors over your truth. I'm sorry that he won't open his eyes and see that you could never do anything to hurt him and that what you say to him is completely 100% true. Please never allow yourself to slip away just because one boy made a stupid mistake. Keep living your life, with or without him.
Kelsie - I wish there was something I could do to stop all the lies. The hardest thing has got to be when someone ends it all and then you find that everything they said to you over the past few months has been nothing but lies. There is someone out there, and someday you'll find him, who will never treat you badly.
I love you ladies and NEVER forget that. The most important thing for anyone to have is great friends and I'm very grateful for you three. I love you <3>
My friend Aaron turned 19 so for his birthday we had a 5 hour paint ball session, then we went back to his house and had some drinks, hot tubbed, and sat around the fire till we finally went to bed at about five. 3 of us stayed the night and the next day we woke up at 3 pm and lazed around all day only getting out of bed to eat then returning to watch/sleep through Pirates 3. At about 8 at night we though maybe we should do something productive so we set up a giant slip and slide on Aaron's green and called some more people to come over. Slip and slided for about an hour, hot tubbed, walked to sev, finished pirates and now I'm finally home. It was a pretty awesome 2 days and I met some sweet new kids that I'm looking forward to hanging out with again. (=
