Friday, January 8, 2010

New years resolutions.

So I have been neglecting my computer a lot lately. Any thing that can't be done over my phone doesn't really get done cause this idiot of a lap top is about as fast as a dead turtle.. Anyways I have had lots to write about and lots of collaborations to post and I'm starting to get impatient with myself and my lack of impatiens so I will suck it up and start using my computer again and try to keep my cool as it takes hours upon hours to do anything, just for you guys!! My New Years resolution this year was to start spending no more than 200 dollars a months and save the rest. It's the 8th and I've already failed. But I've got a whole other two and a half months till I leave for Europe due to so rescheduling not on my end. So I figure I can give myself a bit of a grace period. Also I would like to be more patient and less cranky towards my parents, and finally, I am going to try to stop biting my nails.. again.
Lately things have been very bitter sweet for me. I got a new boy in my life and for the first time, I actually feel like this is someone I am meant to be with. All my other relationships have held doubt. Concerns or fears or just something didn't feel quite right. And that's possibly why I have been such a failure at dating. In fear of my old dating habits re-surfacing, I declined his first invitation to be his girlfriend about a month and a half ago. But we still hung out and when he asked again, I was more than ready. This one is way different and I am very happy. I am very comfortable with being 100% who I am around him and I don't feel shy about saying what I'm truly like around him. We share a lot of similar interests and I can really feel myself smiling from the inside out which hasn't happened in a while. But at the same time, while that's going so well, I have been fighting a lot lately with my family and I don't really feel at home in my own house anymore. Also, the passing of Michaud, for those of you who have heard, really hit home for me, even though we were not close. When I first heard the news it didn't really sink in. It was hard to hear and a struggle to wrap my head around but it wasn't until today, when I stepped into my bath and then out again quickly that I shed my first tears. There I was, unhappy because my bath water was too hot, when this well loved boy had to pass on without any good byes due to the cold. Ridiculous I know, to think of that but that's how my mind works. Also, friends that I have lost touch with lately are reappearing in my life lately and I showed me how much I have been neglecting lately which is both a good and a bad feeling of realization. I think mostly what I need to start doing is committing myself more all round in everything I do.
Anyways, hopefully I keep up on these new resolutions. I'm adding in there to post a blog AT LEAST once a week. I have a lot of drafts ready to post so you can be expecting. I missed you all!