Lesson learned.

Today I was in walmart and I saw one of those handy little nail polish pens and I thought I would test it out and see if they worked. So I sneakily opened up the box to try out the pen. But when I popped the lid off to give it a whorl it exploded ALL OVER my hands!! So much for sneaky. They were also conveniently out of nail polish remover.

You make me sad.

Gah! I just keep sitting here WAITING for something to happen! Something to change. I know your are most likely in bed, and that chances are even if you weren't you would still go one ignoring me and forgetting I exist but I miss you =( And I wish you would stop this whole silly thing! I'm sorry, I was wrong, you were right, I miss you, I hate this, I give up, you win, whatever you want me to say to get you to stop I will!! Cause honestly, I can let go of a lot of people, but you are not one of them. Knowing that you may never talk to me again is killing me. It's constantly on my mind and I check facebook and my cell every 5 minutes to see if there's anything from you, anything showing that you're giving in, anything! But there never is and I can't stop thinking about how much it sucks. =(
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouim
issyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimiss
youimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyo
uimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou♥

Boys WILL BE boys!

My step father does fracking. Don't ask me what it is, it's complicated and I don't really know, it involves driving big trucks and doing work on the rigs and such.

Anyways, he was home tonight and he was telling the family something about his fracking.
My little innocent 14 year old brother cleverly says, "You fracking trucker!"
I guess even little goody goods boys are still boys.
It was a good chuckle, and very unexpected.

I'm mad at Trevor Bidyk.

Well not so much mad as disappointed.
And not so much at Trevor as at the scheduling staff of DTHR Food Services.

But, ob-la-di ob-la-da, life goes on.

I miss you =(
Now that you have your satisfaction will you please call this whole silly thing off?

This started off as a full length post but only one line really felt like it needed to be shared.

Growing older is a painful reality, and part of growing older is to let go. This is not one of my strengths, more so a weakness.

Dr, can you see what's wrong?

I've shown you more than I wanted you to see,
I've told you things I never wanted to share.
I've asked for your help when no one else was there to plead to.
I have weaved you into my life in a way that I never expected to.
I have looked past all of your flaws and helped you to embrace you strengths.
I've let you in in a way that I have not allowed many.
But you have not recognized this and you don't seem to appreciate.
You take my simplest mistakes and you expand them to unforgivable measures.
I am not going to be the first to give in. Not this time.
If this is all you have to give back to me then I will unwind you from my life.
You have returned nothing to me. And I am starting to see this.
***
I guess you need no one.
Is anyone waiting at home for you?

Once again I bring you...

Front of my shoulder. About 4 inches long, in closer to my neck than my shoulder so that my bra strap isn't sitting on it. The birds will fade over to my shoulder though. I want to move the birds up a bit higher and make it thinner, not so thick and dark. I'll probably draw it out myself. Planning for the end of September.

You and all your greatness. Gerr.

I hate crushes.
Crushes make you over think everything.
They make you paranoid and also thrilled, usually over something that's not worth all the trouble.
They make you instantly feel a connection to every song you hear, in some ridiculous way.
They make you feel like a ten year old when that one boy puts his shoes beside yours in the boot room and your heart sinks into a puddle of marshmallows and cotton candy.
They make you worry that everything you do may be the wrong move,
and some how they make all this hullabaloo worth it.
Stupid.
But I've fallen into this trap again.
Too bad I haven't gotten to that "it's all worth it" point yet.
I'm still stuck at the "why do I bother with you" part of it.

I hopelessly, helplessly, wonder why?

I'm in and out I'm up and down

Wonder if I'm lost or found

But I need your hands on me now

*

But you don't need my pictures on your wall

You say you need no one

And you don't need my secret midnight call

I guess you need no one

~Train

Well I guess that may have turned out to be a bad move on my part, but if this is how you are going to be then so be it.

Flakes. Not the snow ones.

I want to complain about bail-out-EVERY-SINGLE-TIME friends but I wrote a post three separate times and the deleted it every time. I don't think I really need to explain the annoyance of a person like this, you all, I'm sure, understand. But if you are the one I am talking about and you are actually taking the time to read my blog, then just know that it is really REALLY starting to piss me off. Especially the fact that you don't even bother to let me know when you cancel. I hope you fix this soon cause I'm done putting in the effort. That is all.

I want to write a post but nothing is coming to mind.

So I will just leave you with a couple of my favorite songs as of right now. And yes a huge chunk of them are the Beatles but if you know me at all that shouldn't surprise you in the least.

Wednesday night equals bedtime.

Apparently Wednesday is not the time to party. We got all dressed up and pumped up and then fed up when no one wanted to go out. So hopefully tomorrow night will be more full of thrill. Here's hoping!

P.S. Even though tonight kind of sucked, I ran into someone who didn't =] And he sort of made it worth it in the tiniest little way. Maybe sometime we'll actual plan one of our nights together instead of it always being a random bumping into. Cause you're kinda cute and I'm kinda interested. ;)

Misses for you.

I hate when people who's company I enjoy leave for a month! =(

7lbs 13oz

Payton Makenna Jeannotte, welcome to the world. ♥

July 19 2010

No words are suitible enough to title this post.

When I see something beautiful, and amazing, I just want to let the whole world know how wonderful it is, but words are never enough. We over use great words and we minimize their meaning by misusing them. That's why the things we see and feel that are simply breath taking can never be explained to another. And that is why poets have such talent. A poet can take the same old boring words we all hear everyday and create indescribably beauty out of them. They can put a twist on them, use them in a new order and a different context and bring back the initial meaning behind them and show us with words only, just what they see and feel. With just a bunch of ink on a piece of paper, we can feel the magic that the poet felt and understand the majesty of it.
So if you are a poet consider yourself among the lucky to have the talent to reach out and touch peoples hearts in a way much of the world has forgotten how to do. And thank you for keeping the magic in words alive.

For everyone who has ever been hurt by another.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart. Cause then it would never have to be crushed again. But then I remember that not having a heart would mean not feeling all the amazing things that came before the heart break. And in reality, that warm feeling is always worth the pain that follows. It would just be nice for once to feel the warmth without having to see it end.

When in the dark, even with your eyes open, you see very little, or nothing at all. This is logic.

But even mentally, if you surround yourself with darkness, no matter how open you feel you are keeping your eyes, you won't truly see all that the world wishes to show you.

So do not just open your eyes and expect to see a loving world around you.

You first need to rid yourself of all that is dimming your light.

"lend me your eyes,

I can change what you see

but your soul you must keep,

totally free"

-

Mumford & Sons

Smile upon yourself. For you are a wonderful work of art.

How can it be possible, that you're so amazingly perfect, but my heart doesn't see that?